I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
