guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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