yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
