i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
