A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Acid is not a monday night drug
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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