I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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