I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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