Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
