I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize