The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Congratulations! We have a period
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
