we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
