You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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