Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
