I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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