my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Did I show you my penis last night?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
