i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize