I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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