whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
