um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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