Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
