I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
