I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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