You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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