I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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