smell my finger.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize