Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
