Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
