there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
