Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
