you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
