i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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