I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
