he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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