Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
