It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize