I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
