My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
nutella sex= disaster
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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