I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
