was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
