What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
