Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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