that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
