I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
