things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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