Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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