Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
