i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
