Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
