420 ftw
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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