I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
