I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
