I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
