its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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