hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Vodka?
Forever.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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