I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
