I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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