Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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