the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
