Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
