TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
