She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
