guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
