laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
A+ Viking dick
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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