does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize