My nipple is on Facebook.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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