my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize