My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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