So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
