Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
