soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
