Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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