Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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