Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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