passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
