Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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