Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
